So, in the true spirit...

So, in the true spirit of the Olympics, the German needs to represent his country at the 2008 Games in China. He would have to compete against F1 rivals, as well as drivers from the World Rally Championship, NASCAR, American CART/IndyCar racing, plus lesser-known men from the world of touring and sports cars, karting and ice racing.

He won"t have lined up against most of these specialists before. They"ll be an unknown quantity, and probably won"t show Schumacher the sort of god-like respect he gets in F1, where his rivals seem almost intimidated by his reputation, confidence and awesome record. Such pressure from a gang of hungry, hard-nosed drivers he"s not even seen before, never mind raced against, could give Michael the first bout of proper competition he"s had in years.

My Olympic "Autotathlon" would involve a variety of short, makeshift circuits covered in gravel, sand, ice, grass and fake snow, as well as tarmac. And since Hyundai was one of the sponsors of the 2004 Olympics and will probably return for the 2008 event, I suggest using the firm"s 1.0-litre Getz for the tarmac, ice and grass racing and its 2.0-litre Santa Fe for the other battles. All vehicles would be mechanically identical and each driver will be on their own and have to do engine and tyre checks, refuelling and emergency repairs themselves.

Genuine racing incidents will be inevitable and acceptable, even if that means some cars becoming seriously damaged, thereby forcing their drivers out of the competition. If anybody crashes or drives too heavy-handedly and breaks the car, that"s down to them. Anyone judged by expert adjudicators (I suggest a panel including Sir Stirling Moss, Murray Walker, Jonathan Palmer and Alain Prost) to have deliberately caused an accident or made a convenient "mistake" which adversely affects a rival would be disqualified - just as an athlete taking illegal drugs or cynically tripping up an opponent on the track would be banned.

Which drivers would be keen to compete? Schumacher would be first in the queue. But you"d be brave to bet against rally star Sebastien Loeb or even Colin McRae winning gold - although Juan Pablo Montoya, Paul Tracey, Kimi Raikonnen, Tom Kristensen and Brits Herbert, McNish, Blundell and Mansell (there"s no age limit in the Olympics!) would be big contenders.

David Coulthard, Damon Hill and Jenson Button I"m not so sure about. DC seems to have lost his appetite, I fear Hill would show Paula Radcliffe tendencies and give up if he wasn"t winning, while Button is suffering from a clear case of Tim Henman syndrome - a condition which involves repeatedly talking about winning, but rarely managing to do so.